being honest.

Some days are good, some days ar bad. I had a bad day today. It started with a bad evening yesterday. Going home after a university course I felt more and more sad and exhausted. I tried to spend a normal evening, told my sister I wasn't in the mood to go out. I tried to have an early night. It didn't worked out. I couldn't sleep and so I spend three hours of watching netflix until I finally fell asleep way after 1am. I woke up and felt tired. I didn't felt like working at all, so I had an lazy morning and out of the lazy morning became a lazy afternoon. Around midday I felt like crap and thought about self-harming. I knew I should get out of bed and do something and after watching a few videos I did it. I drew the bouquet that a friend got me for my birthday. I know that I'm not the best at drawing, but it calmes me. For now I'm ignoring my sister that told me I could come to a party right outside my house with her. I would have wished she would come and get me to come with her, that she feels that that's what I need, but I know that's too much to want. For a short time I wanted my parents, who drove my sister here, to just take me home with them and it made me sad that they didn't got by to say hello. & I also regret that I didn't went with them to visit my grandma and our old home, because I had uni stuff to do that I didn't even started. But that's how it is. I think I'm going to surpress my worries and weird feelings with food for now. Sorry for the depressing post, but that's how it is.